i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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