I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
