After last night, I could never be a politician.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
