Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
