I have demons in me.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
