hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
