And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
