my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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