i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Can I color on your dick again?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize