Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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