Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
