I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
