too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
