Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
