Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
