When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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