He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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