A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
