Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
