I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
