We're like a lot better than the average bears
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
