I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
