just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Randomize
