You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
