he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
