Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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