I accidentally burped into my bong.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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