i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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