sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
