I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
