I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
