Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
