it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
