gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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