OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
