let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
