i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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