just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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