So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
