I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
