I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
