Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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