i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
and you fell through a lawn chair
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
