MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
