I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
