I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
