East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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