Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize