Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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