Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
