don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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