I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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