And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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