Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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