They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
