after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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