I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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