I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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