i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
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