Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My breath smells like gin and sadness
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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