My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
We are two peas in an std pod
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
