Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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