oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
